Motherhood

Motherhood, a concept which intrigued me during most of my adolescence and offered a colorful bundle of emotions and experience when it became a reality. No, do not get me wrong , it is not a 100% rosy and out of the world blessing always, it has its own share of grey areas too…only that I did not know this before I joined the club of “mothers”.

There was a time in my life when the idea of being a mother sounded more attractive than having a devoted soulmate. I nurtured a set of ideas of “things to do” when expecting a baby and another set of “things to do” being a mother. The ideas were as romantic as having a candlelight dinner with a loved one. Beware all aspiring mothers, becoming a mother and being a mother may not be that romantic every second of this heavenly bliss. It has the same probability of turning into “matter of fact” routine as the probability of having a “break all ties” argument with the loved one with whom you just had that romantic candlelight dinner!

I thought that having a 40+ inches waistline will make me proud, (it did for some time) but the fact that I could no longer see my toes was something I took more than three months to digest! Further still, it was complete nightmare after being blessed with the baby to know that I will never be able to attain the mark of 29inches again(from where I started off) no matter how many sit ups or pilates I practice or how many hours I run(walk;) on the treadmill ( I agree this all has improved my stamina though).

Everything from holding the baby so as not to jerk his tender neck, to stop myself from crying while that tiny creature cries, was a challenge. I never understood what the attending nurse told me –crying is the baby’s language, what else will he do??!! It was so simple for her..and still so tough for me to live with.

And then came those sleepless nights. Getting up every three hours to feed him when I would take at least half an hour to be able to go back to sleep again. I am still trying to stay sane with 4-5 hours of sleep a day since last almost 3 and 1/2 years. (I had two boys quite in succession).

I remember having gone for a business trip to Amsterdam and more than the possibility of going to Keukenhof or the red light district, I was excited by the fact that I would be able to sleep five entire nights without being required to get up and tap either of the boys back to sleep. The fact was, I could not sleep well even during those 5 nights, missing and remembering them most of the time; I was so so irritated with myself.

Yes, there are so many negatives and inconveniences associated with being a mother. If I try to list them, it will take at least 3-4 more blogs. But before I write them, I want to share one moment which I experienced today and which prompted me to relive the above and write this all..

It was Adi’s first class assembly today and I had received an invite hand written by him. When he saw me there sitting in the parent’s area, he smiled and flew a kiss to me. With the guidance from his teacher, along with rest of the students of his class, he started singing….he was singing at the top of his voice, one of his favorite songs, the same which he had been practicing with me everyday since almost two weeks, correcting me when ever “I” pronounced a word incorrectly. He sang and danced ..and all the while recording the entire event in the video cam, I was smiling…to the verge of crying. Oh God!! It was great, it was beautiful, it was amazing, it was overwhelming, it was happiness, it was contentment, it was beauty….

I loved the moment and thanked God for choosing me to be a mother.